Most of us would just as soon have our teeth drilled (without novocain) than talk to our aging parents about the possibility that their health, memory or both may fade. Just as a trip to the dental hygienist is worth it to preserve your teeth, so a conversation with mom and/or pop about aging is worth it to help preserve a future you both can handle. And much like avoiding a trip to the dentist chair, the longer you wait to talk with your folks about the future, the fewer choices you may have down the line and the more costly it may be to ensure they get the care they need.
As long as your parents are still capable of making decisions, your role is merely to help them make those decisions. Just try telling them what to do if you don't believe us. How you approach the situation may have a huge effect on whether your parents are willing to accept your help. Consider these tips:
Listen to your parents and ask questions. Avoid telling them what to do, no matter how tempting it can be.
Be patient and give your parents time to think over their alternatives (that's why it's best to get the conversation going earlier rather than later). Major decisions won't get made during one casual phone call, so don't expect quick responses to your questions and don't mistake indecision for lack of interest.
It's alright if you don't know what you're doing. Procrastination is popular for a reason, you know! Seriously, your willingness to assist your parents is a big step. Perhaps you know friends or co-workers who are going through the same thing. Dare to ask for help.
Keep your sense of humor handy at all times.
If you haven't done so already, talk to your parents about these things, keeping in mind that a few bullet points from us won‘t make the awkwardness go away:
Your parents‘ wishes if their health fails.
How they are currently situated financially and what financial considerations much be addressed for the future.
Their health care and medical insurance needs.
Whether they want to assign you or someone else the ability to make decisions in the event that they cannot.
Be Prepared If They Resist Your AttemptsIf you think it‘s tough to talk about this stuff with your parents, just think how they feel. We‘ll spare you the dental images, but they may resist your attempts to talk about things like their money, their health and their potential need for assistance with either or both. Counter your parents‘ brush off with a heartfelt argument along these lines: Should anything happen to your parents, the reality of managing their finances and health care may likely fall to you and/or your siblings. Since you want to respect their needs and wishes, it would be helpful to you if they would be willing to talk about it now. If you‘re lucky, they will cooperate and you can all be convinced you‘re doing each other a favor, because that‘s what it is.
The information we‘ve got in this topic about taking care of your parents isn‘t comprehensive by any stretch. But it may help you shape some questions and seek more answers as you prepare for the possibilities that lay ahead.